


Broken Things

by Star_Fangirl_Forever



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Crying, Hurt, I am so sorry, Inner Demons, Inspired by Sanders Sides, Janus Sanders - Freeform, Logan Sanders - Freeform, M/M, Patton Sanders - Freeform, Regret, Remus Sanders - Freeform, Roman Sanders - Freeform, Romantic Angst, Sadness, Sanders Sides - Freeform, Truth, Virgil Sanders - Freeform, Yelling, analogical - Freeform, flaws, no comfort, no happy ending, self blame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 11:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24848719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star_Fangirl_Forever/pseuds/Star_Fangirl_Forever
Summary: Logan and Virgil have a fight. Everything goes downhill from there.Enjoy this fic! Warnings include angst, no happy ending, yelling, and emotional pain. If I missed any please tell me!
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Broken Things

“Fine Logan! If that’s what you truly think!” Virgil’s angry voice filled the mindscape. “I thought we had an understanding! I thought we had worked out a dynamic! An ability for us to both be happy.” Virgil stopped, the phrase coming much softer and in much more pain. “I thought you liked me. I swallowed everything that makes me who I am and tried to change. I told you how I felt and when your response came, I was happier then I’d ever been. But now, I see. I see that I can never be really accepted, I can never really be loved.” Logan made an effort to speak, but at this point Virgil was lost. Lost to everything that told him he wasn’t enough and that he never would be. Turning, Virgil left, silent as a wraith, returning to his room and leaving a gloomy air behind. 

Logan had been going through strain lately, and had been acting very different from himself. Everyone had the knowledge that it was just a passing stage and had been offering love and support from all angles. The shores had been calming… until Logan pulled an all nighter and woke up cranky. This led to him shouting at Virgil… which would have been survivable, had they not been dating. Logan had said things he regretted saying to his very core, things he most certainly did not mean. Things that just happened to strike Virgil’s deepest feelings. Things that could not be retrieved or unsaid. 

Logan sat on his bed, silently fighting an internal battle. A razor blade slashed his heart open as he recalled everything he knew and everything he would never know. Logan knew he loved Virgil and that Virgil loved him. However, the universe seemed set against them. They would be forever limited to slammed doors and harsh words that could never be taken back. Logan’s body wracked with sobs as he allowed himself to dream of all the moments he and Virgil would never share. Feeling a fresh wave of sadness well up as Logan realized that Virgil would probably blame himself for this, Logan turned on his side and closed his eyes, silently willing for oblivion.

The same situation was happening in a different room, except in a much darker glare. Virgil wasn’t crying, but he was holding back tears. He wanted to yell, to scream until he passed out. He wanted nothing more than to be with Logan and treat him like the king he was. But they couldn’t. “It’s my fault oh god it’s my fault just like it always is. If only I were different. If only I could change who I am to make myself more lovable. Maybe I don’t deserve to be loved. Maybe I don’t deserve anything.” Virgil thought as he turned into himself and surrendered to the darkness inside him. 

Janus was slowly realizing that he had made a mistake. Unwilling to let the hurt linger and fester, he had called every side to the living room to talk about what had happened. This tenuous peace that had endured when everyone first arrived was quickly failing, and everything was falling apart. Everyone was talking over everyone else, with different levels of sadness and anger. It turns out that every side had been internalizing their woes, and everything was being turned out now. Needless to say, there would be several epidemics of guilt, sadness, self-doubt, and anger today. The straw that broke the camel's back however, was Logan rationalizing everyone’s issues away. It didn’t matter to Virgil that Logan was doing it because he was terrified. Terrified at what these feelings meant for him. Terrified of what he might be facing. Virgil lost it, spilling out everything he had wanted to ever say.

“Don’t you see Logan! We are all flawed, we are all imperfect! You aren’t perfect but you try! Janus can be good but he LIES! I’m way too hard on myself but I don’t know how to stop! Roman is shattered but won’t ask for anybody’s help because he’s too proud. Patton is messy but kind. And Remus… Remus is just lonely and lashes out because of it.” Virgil was heaving with sobs while shouting, Logan standing there stoically while breaking apart on the inside. “We are all broken things. We are all incarnations of a battle between good and evil and sometimes neither side can win! We are all broken things.” 

With that Virgil turned and vanished, no doubt retreating to his room for a very very long time. Logan stood there shook, a hair’s breadth away from breaking down in front of everyone. The others had heard the shouting and now stood there in various shades of despair and shock. Logan turned around and began robotically walking towards his room. Silently, everyone else dissipated, unwilling to broach the topic now. While walking, each was chanting to themselves “Don’t cry don’t yell don’t show weakness. I may be broken but I can be broken alone.” 

Logan snuck into the kitchen later, hoping to the high gods that he didn’t run into anybody. Wallowing in shame, the logical side didn’t want to see any other side tonight. Sadly, the gods were not on Logan’s side tonight. He walked into the kitchen to see Virgil muttering to himself, a sight that broke Logan’s heart. “Why is it that Virgil is always the one to pierce my heart? Why is it that I always want to protect him, but never can?” Not speaking a word, Logan stopped moving to hear what Virgil was saying. He wanted to know the boy he loved, no matter how flawed he may be. 

“I’m so tired.” Virgil was whispering “Bone deep tired. I’m in pain every single day as I see everyone tearing themselves apart, never ceasing never stopping. And… I hate it. I hate it so much that I want to scream and cry and sob all at the same time. I see everyone catering to me like I’m some sort of prize that needs tending, while constantly ignoring all their demons. I can handle myself, I really can. But what really kills me… is all the sadness I see. All the pain I see passing by. IT KILLS ME AND I CAN’T STOP IT. I’ve penned up everything I feel, everything I see. And I see a lot. I see a lot. But now, the floodgates are finally breaking. And I fear the result.” Virgil was clearly feeling pain, sobbing and yelling quietly at the same time, the storm of emotion finally crashing into the shore. 

Virgil, realizing that he wasn’t alone, whirled to face Logan. The logical side could suddenly only see the unshed tears in Virgil’s eyes, and how the other was trembling. “What is it Logan? What do you want now?” Virgil inquired viciously. “What else do you want to say? It isn’t as if you haven’t said enough already!” Logan stood there, taking each verbal blow with barely a flickering of emotion. “Oh Virgil…. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever had the gift of knowing. I should’ve kissed you. I should’ve hugged you and held you close. I should’ve been stronger. I should have done better. I should have done so much more. But I didn’t. Because for all my knowledge, I’m an idiot when it comes to you. And I’m proud of it. If I could go back in time to change things, I would. But I can’t.”

Leaving Virgil in silent shock, Logan returned to his room, willing himself to not look back, all the while silently begging himself to look back. When that part of him finally won, Logan turned to find Virgil already gone, like a wraith to the wind. Logan, eyes glistening with unshed tears, returned to his room, not looking back again. 

And that’s how they ended the day. Each side in self isolation, unable or unwilling to leave and face the strife and sadness of the outside world. Their room was their den, their cave where each side could be safe and secure. But never truly alone… always accompanied by their own thoughts. Logan was throwing himself into work late into the night, distracting himself from the ravaging emotions inside him. He knew if he stopped, he would start crying and never stop. Patton had no such restrictions, and was currently curled up quietly sobbing. Patton’s mind was filled with images of everything they had worked for. A family, love, happiness, contentment… all crumbling to dust. Virgil was leaning against his bed, doing his absolute best to hide from himself. As the waves of inky black internal darkness crashed against Virgil, the side wondered if it would be better to just let them drown him. 

Roman was already asleep, having turned in early to avoid the demons that filled his thoughts. His sleep was not peaceful, filled with creeping monsters and regret. It would be a long time for Roman to accept that it wasn’t his fault… that he hadn’t ruined everything like Roman thought he always does. Janus was deeply pondering what had caused this. Filled with disappointment, Janus wondered after lost hope. He had barely been a part of the group for a month before it all went to hell, with no hurt of returning. And finally, Remus. Remus had enough practice distancing himself from emotion, so he was fairly numb. That didn’t mean that he wasn’t hurt. It didn’t mean that he wasn’t quietly sobbing. Alone, as he had always been. Darkness shrouded them all that night, promising to be a grim reaper of not death, but despair.

**Author's Note:**

> Phew so you got here! Hope you enjoyed this fic! 
> 
> Leave any suggestions in the comments!


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